Committment to non-reproduction?

Dear Cute Nerd Girls....

I haven't done much dating so far, for reasons which are too numerous to get into, but one of the biggest and most easily distinguished issues is that I am absolutely bound and determined, for my entire life, never to have children no matter what, and I figure that short-circuits a lot of potential relationships. Do you have any suggestions as to where/how/etc. I might be able to meet a chick who shares my committment to non-reproduction? We're all hardwired to want to breed, but it seems as though men have an easier time hitting the snooze button on the biological clock until it wears out, at least in the modern age of the condom. Maybe I could find a girl who's willing to have a short-term fling (I should be so lucky), but I'm inclined to think that relationships with "no future" are disappointing at best, and so I would prefer to know that a woman not only doesn't want children now, but will be fine with not wanting children in 10 years if we should happen to hit it off and stay together that long.

Will P.

MARY

Will, that was one hell on of run on sentence

Chances are your first few relationships won't last that long. Kids should not come up for at least a few dates. Don't push it. Feel her out. Literally and figuratively. You may get a short term fling and she will decide to leave you to breed later with someone else.

I recommend a vasectomy you keep to yourself. Your reproductive rights are yours. If you have decided to never have children, it is within your power to make it happen. Plus you get the bonus of laughing when a girl tells you she is pregnant with your baby. Boom..entire Maury episode! I bet you could get a free hotel room out of that. You should still wear a condom though. Practice safe sex kids! Here is a video from Drinking With Ian starring me as an abortion recipient for the amusement of all of us baby haters out there:




LAUREN

"You might as well know right off the bat, I had a vasectomy."

Someday I will meet a man that drops this off in the first 10 minutes of conversation.

Unfortunately, there is only one Harvey Pekar...and he's a little too old for me.
But there are several women and men that feel this way. Finding fellow non-breeders can be befuddling; but we are out there and can be found in most common places. The Onion and Bust both have online personals that are sure to have a cadre of non-breeding females. Art galleries, record shops, concerts, film festivals, coffee and comic shops to name a few are some great places to snoop around for that like-minded mate.

While lurking online I found this amusing article that was published in 1911 about exporting childless women overseas in the NY Times:
EXPORT CHILDLESS WOMEN

ASHLEY

Hm, where to meet one...an abortion clinic?

Honestly, dude, I don't know...and I am one of those girls. I think I'm the only one I know, though. I got lucky with a guy who also doesn't want kids...ever...and sometimes I even irrationally worry that someday he might change his mind. I have a whole list of reasons not to have kids. Copy/pasted from my LiveJournal:

1. Just the idea of having a little parasite growing inside of me, feeding off of me, moving, creeps me the hell out. I don't care how natural or normal it is; it's fucking creepy.

2. I don't like kids. I don't find them cute. I think kids are creepy. I don't know how to act around them or talk to them. They make me feel awkward.

3. I don't like babies. I think they're ugly. And no, I don't want to hold yours. I feel paranoid the entire time I'm around one because I'm afraid you're going to try to make me hold it.

4. I don't want anyone else coming between our relationship. There are two people in it, me and my fiance, and I want it to stay that way. From what I've seen, kids almost always destroy the relationship.

5. We are going to save so much money by not having children.

6. I never want to experience childbirth.

7. I don't want to get fat. I actually have a complex about it. (I'm not anorexic; I just don't want to get bigger than I am now.) I don't want extra meat on my bones, and I don't want a bunch of loose skin just hanging off of me, either.

8. Just in case global warming starts knocking out a bunch of land within our lifetime, I don't feel the need to contribute to the overpopulation. Yes, I actually worry about this.

I can probably think of more given the time. A co-worker recently told me that she considers work her free time, because she has two kids. Why would anyone want to do that to themselves? I am sure there must be someone else out there who feels this way. Try online. That's the only thing I can really think of, is a personal ad. Seriously, I really hope you find what you're looking for. :-\

NESSA

Look for a woman who is in mid life. They are past the baby producing age, know what they want in a relationship and are usually better in bed.

If you are looking for a younger girl, let her know up front that you don't want kids. You will get let down a few times but eventually you will find a girl who shares your same interest in not having kids.

With that being said I do have to warn you that even women who are adamant that they don't want kids can get hit by the baby bug. I didn't want kids until I started pushing 30. It is not the age or my thinking time is running out. Just something changed in me as I got older and more settled. Luckily my husband is neutral on kids.

The point is a person's values and goals may change as you grow so there is no sure fire way to avoid it unless you don't date at all. I advise not going through life worried about tomorrow. If you meet someone you like, try it out you might find what you are looking for. Be up front but also cross the baby bridge when you come to it.

Good Luck!